It’s a funny thing, perhaps more counterintuitive than anything. Letting go of the seen and trusting in the unseen. Ignoring your abilities or lack thereof, and circumstance in order to trust that God will show up where you fall short. In the last few weeks, months even, I have been challenged to live by faith and with that challenge God has brought to thought many testimonies of His faithfulness to others. In all cases it seems that the person God was calling to faith had to ignore reason and hold on to His promises, which they could not begin to comprehend. That is the clincher.. they could not comprehend. That is what stopped me up, when God asks something of you and then all of a sudden you have a million questions. “When will this happen? How will this happen? Where will the money come from? Are you sure? Me? Can you explain the whole process to me?” My many questions lead me to the realization that I had a control issue. It comes down to a choice, to turn aside from your fears, even the counsel of others, and look to God and believe whole heartedly that He is who He says He is, and that He’ll do what He says He’ll do.

Coming to this point has felt like an undoing. Undoing of everything I’ve learned from the world. “Try harder, try again, keep going, push through, do whatever you have too.” It’s the mentality that built America, it’s also the one that holds her back. What once could be described as grit can now be seen as control. It’s what’s held me back from being obedient to God. This is where the double edged sword comes into play, I blamed wisdom as to why I didn’t get started. When your life is falling apart and God calls you to start a blog it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t seem wise. “How will I make money? I need to do something that’ll actually provide.” And on and on, never just a “yes God”, never just an “okay”. I wanted to understand, I wanted to see the whole plan, the whole picture. How many times can you say “I believe but help my unbelief.”? -Mark 9:24